Monday, April 02, 2007

I Am The Driver

The 10th of May I have to do my drivers exam. Get out your lucky charms and your buddha's (I recently bought one!) and pray for me will ya 'cause I'm a good driver, but I say that because I am the driver.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

She's a woman, you know what I mean.

Women are after other women. They're like animals when it comes to looking better than the other one. The strongest girl wins. And she will show it with such pride, when she wins, that you can't resist trying to defeat it. And it's not a secret, if you're a girl reading this you might think outloud, "Psh - I don't play along with such competition!" but you so are. Appearing pretty or seductive towards men is just a little part of it. Because if you're pretty, you get noticed, men notice you, and other women get jealous about it. The ones that swoon over female models the most are - yes indeed - the females. I know so many men that wouldn't even think about "doing" Kate Moss, but you as a lady, you would, right? I know I would. She would be the only girl, if she fancied me, I would stop liking men instantly for. Men just like meat. And can you blame them? I don't. Then why is it that we want to look like twigs? It's not like the men love it, they'd have ass and tits over bones any day. It's about competition.
I have to admit myself, shamefully or not, I love it when people get jealous of me. My mom once said to me, "Artists are thé most selfish people alive." And 'though I don't agree with that fully, there's a point. When I write a song, or when I draw something neat, I want reactions. I want the world to think I'm a goddess. Eventhough it's a pretty crap drawing, I still want someone to be amazed. And that, yes, is pretty selfish. (But let's not get into how selfish people are shall we.)
What I was saying, I have to admit that when I hear someone say I look nice, it does feel good. In some way, it ofcourse boosts your ego. But the thing is - eventhough it's nice to get compliments by men - women usually get offended by it rather than they see it as a compliment. But when other women tell you you're beautiful... then you're just plain beautiful.

I'm never out to fish for compliments. When I was young I hated the way I looked. (Around the age of 15/16.) I was too fat, my hair was always shit, my legs were way too short, my hands were like tiny little creatures with weird nails, my nose was too "normal", my Drew Barrymore chin was the ugliest part of my body, my womanly tummy was like an explosion and my ass was nowhere to be found. Everything was wrong, everything could be better. At one point... I gave up wanting to be a supermodel. I've had bitches for girlfriends, the realcompetitivee type, the ones that justdesperatelyy needed to be better than you and when they were, they wouldn't cope without the world knowing it. At one point... I thought I had no value whatsoever. I was just "filling up" a space in this world, and my best friend was the star, I was just around somewhere. This happened too much, those girls trying to be superwoman while I thought, "hey but I'm not shit either y'know." After about 10 of these... I gave up. Or maybe that's not the right way to say it. I really think from one day to the next I changed from hating myself to accepting it, to liking it. I found myself a nicer view of myself, and I gained confidence.

Why are women after other women? Do you really want to be the skinniest and the tallest because men will like you better? Usually, you're only jealous of other women because of men, when you like someone. In my head, it can get pretty darn freaky when it comes to jealousy. Good thing is - it stays there. And bad thing is - I'll cry and hurt about it without you ever knowing. I'm way too jealous of other girls when I'm in a relationship or when I like someone because I fear I could do better, or maybe if I totally change myself, I could be even better. And it's pretty ugly in there.

I do get jealous of other women because I like hearing I'm creative or I'm pretty, and when others do too, for a different reason, for instance when someone's a brilliant actress, I get jealous because I think "Fuck, why can't I be?" But it usually ends in an "ehh." And I really have no answer why women are jealous of other women. Why we try to top that pretty blonde singer, why we try to be the coolguitaristt, why we want to be the girl that breaks hearts with songs, why we suffer to be the girl with all the talents and the gifts. Maybe we need to. Maybe that's the cure. Try and top that girl that tried to top you, not with more make-up or better boobs, not with changing yourself, but with being exactly who you are right now. Just think the way you are right now are the new huge breasts.
And if they don't agree, EHH!

Sunday, March 25, 2007


And if I change am I denying what was said? If I remain the same, am I creating greater problems instead?

Do you ever think you're being thought about? Do you still believe we need to sort things out? Does it matter now, all those things we said?

I want to know can I still creep into your bed at night
and leave your head alone?

- Change - KT Tunstall

Thursday, February 01, 2007

It's not too late

I sold my soul, but got a great story so it doesn't matter, does it? I sell my life but in the end I'll have something to talk about, so it's all worth it. I'm selling my precious time, no - I'm giving it away for free, but soon enough something will come around that I'll be proud of, so what's a week or two of nothing to do but thinking and overanalyzing when soon enough I'll have something that was worth every little tear. Right? It's always been like that, so it'll never change. I'm pretty sure.

Monday, January 15, 2007

19 JUNE 2007

Today I received this neat little gift I bought to cheer myself up in the mail. It's the vinyl record of "What Would The Community Think?" by Cat Power. I've been listening to it all morning and it's 100000x nicer on record than the downloaded crap I had before.

Now, for my birthday, get me these records: (ONLY VINYL BITCHES)

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
Cat Power - You Are Free
The Beatles - Revolver
Graham Coxon - The Kiss Of Morning
Zero 7 - The Garden (or When It Falls)
Nick Drake - Pink Moon
anything by Bob Dylan

Go ahead, it's the 19th of June, I'll even come pick up the present in my car mf's.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Oh deary me


Saturday, December 30, 2006

Supergrass & Blur

So I decided to make a list (20) of my favourite Blur and Supergrass songs. I don't think many people realise what a great band Blur was and still is, you can't possibly know them by just hearing one song. Therefor I thought "let me help you poor kids" and provide you with some juicy Blur. Supergrass are so fucking underrated I just felt the need to make people see how brilliant they are, because, like my button says that I purchased on the official Supergrass site: "Supergrass, everyone's second favourite band." So 'thank you Elkie for making our world a little brighter':

1. Trimm Trabb
album: 13
2. It Could Be You
album: The Great Escape
3. Mellow Song
album: 13
4. Beetlebum
album: Blur
5. Death Of A Party
album: Blur
6. Wear Me Down (I suggest you download this one, this is SUPER old Blur and let's just say they fucked up every live gig and it's noisy. It's a lovely song but Damon's way too drunk, as usual.)
album: Leisure
7. To The End
album: Parklife
8. For Tomorrow
album: Modern Life Is Rubbish
9. This Is A Low
album: Parklife
10. Strange News From Another Star
album: Blur
11. Magic America
album: Parklife
12. Music Is My Radar
album: The Best Of
13. Brothers And Sisters
album: Think Tank
14. He Thought Of Cars
album: The Great Escape
15. Lot 105
album: Parklife
16. Out Of Time
album: Think Tank
17. Colin Zeal
album: Modern Life Is Rubbish
18. Caravan
album: Think Tank
19. A Song
album: B-side of 'Charmless Man' single
20. Essex Dogs
album: Blur

1. In It For The Money
album: In It For The Money
2. She's So Loose
album: I Should Coco
3. Richard III
album: In It For The Money
4. Moving
album: Supergrass
5. Alright
album: I Should Coco
6. Going Out
album: In It For The Money
7. Can't Get Up
album: Life On Other Planets
8. Late In The Day
album: In It For The Money
9. Run
album: Life On Other Planets
10. Coffee In The Pot
album: Road To Rouen
11. Mary
album: Supergrass
12. Kick In The Teeth
album: Road To Rouen
13. Za
album: Life On Other Planets
14. Sad Girl
album: Road To Rouen
15. Bullet
album: Supergrass Is 10 (The Best Of 94 - 04)
16. What Went Wrong (In Your Head)
album: Supergrass
17. Mansize Rooster
album: I Should Coco
18. Rush Hour Soul
album: Life On Other Planets
19. Hollow Little Reign
album: In It For The Money
20. Pumping On Your Stereo
album: Supergrass

There are some classics in there that you probably know or have heard of already, but have a second listen anyways. I'll try to youtube as much as I can laters, if I can't find it, you're gonna have to download it or buy the freakin' album 'cause it's worth it anyways. And there are many many more that could have been on there, but I need to study.

Also, if you're a friend, ask me for the playlist and I'll either burn you a copy or upload it all for ya.

an extra: Late In The Day